Suicidal Education
by Silent Unheard Child
Summary: My name is Gwen Grimsley I'm sixteen haven't spoken since I was seven, the love of my life is Trent and I don't know how to tell him. My name is Gwen and I'm suicidal. R&R please
1. Prologue

I feel their eyes boring into the back of my head because I know they wonder how many times I have bleed. It's has been like this for as long as I can remember ever since they died I've felt nothing but blackness and that nagging emptiness. I have no friends I just have to look at myself and know why. My hair is like a long satin curtain that hangs around my empty face its black as midnight it matches my eyes but their more soulless and opaque people never see my face because it is covered with this thing I call hair. My skin is an awful deathly pale I have no tan lines because I avoid the sun like the black plague, my skin is just a wasteful expanse of porcelain like skin the only colour I have is under my eyes they look like dreadful bruises but it's actually from all the crying. My body a waste, I'm dramatically underweight you can basically see the outline of my skeletal structure my face is like a withered odd skull arms and legs like thin braches posing to snap at any minute chest small and pathetic and everything else is not worth mentioning. I wear no makeup because my lips are pretty much naturally blue, my eyes always bruised and puffy and I know that no amount of makeup will fix this face. My clothes black always black never a hint of colour everything I own is black, clothes always baggy so they will never see how disgusting I am or the pain that hides. My whole existence is a joke even I know that now they all laugh at me call me names sometimes they will push me over hoping to get a response but I never do how could I because I feel nothing. This is my curse, my punishment for the things I never did I don't deserve this but you try and tell this to the gods they won't listen they never do their like humans only millions of times crueller. I hate people I really do but there is one exception to this feeling he is the only one I don't hate. He is beautiful unlike me he smiles at me when no one's looking he sometimes even talks to me he asks how I am I never reply of course but he understands it's like he can read my mind. I have feelings for him I have for many years now but I can't tell him and I probably never will I don't know how to speak anymore I haven't said anything for about nine years now the only way I can speak is through my writing. I have this journal, a diary that I write in everyday I have many of them so many I've lost count each one of them is filled with writings, poems, memories and drawings. I wish I could tell him how I feel because that feeling is the only feeling I have left in my body I dearly hold onto this because I know that it is my only hope of living. You see once I lose this feeling I will die because that feeling is the only humane part of me left.

My name is Gwen Grimsley I'm sixteen haven't spoken since I was seven, the love of my life is Trent and I don't know how to tell him. My name is Gwen and I'm suicidal.

**I was bored last night so I wrote this I might make it into a story what do you think?**


	2. Chapter 1: This Is My Life

I wake up eyes puffy red and bruised from last nights crying the cool metal still resting in my hand dropping it to the messy floor in clatters loudly against the ground hurting my sensitive ears. I listen hoping to hear my mother's voice calling for me to get out of bed but I know it will never come some small part of me still thinks that their alive but their not because they died about nine years ago. Tears begin to well in my eyes again but I quickly wipe them away making my eyes sting even more. I slowly sit up in my bed placing my blood stained feet on the floor I trudge over to the bathroom turning the shower on full blast I hesitantly strip my clothes still feeling like someone is watching me. I pull my hip length hair over my naked body covering all the most private parts I quickly jump in letting the water burn my skin but this doesn't bother me because I can't feel it it's only a vague sensation on my emotionless cocoon that I wrap around myself to keep all the unwanted emotions out. I soon finish up in the shower I jump out wrapping a large towel around my skinny body slowly I make my way through my messy room to the cupboard opening it I'm greeted by a tidal wave of black. My weary eyes search for a hint of colour anywhere but I see none I pull out a black long sleeved dress that hangs around my knees, fishnet stockings and fingerless gloves and a pair of combat boots. Gradually I pull on these clothes and make my way downstairs grabbing my school bag and walk out the door the sunlight temporally blinds me I hiss at it then slink into the shadows where I belong.

I whisper through school silently like a shadow in the night nobody notices me which I am thankful for I hate it when they look at me. I make my way down to the ancient willow tree I slowly lower myself to the ground taking a seat under the shady tree I whimper as my body aches I hesitantly pull up my long sleeve revealing I heavily bandaged arm I feel the distant sting run up my arm. I hate this I drop the sleeve letting it cover my dark secrets digging into my bag I pull out my diary reaching under my dress I pull out the chain with a skeleton key attached to it I place it in the lock and turn opening my diary to the marked page. Grabbing the pen I begin to draw random swirls and dark choppy lines begin to form on the once blank paper I feel tears drop onto the book then I hear someone approaching. Slamming the book closed I shrink into the tree hoping they won't find me but they do

"Hi Gwen" I male voice whispers I look up to find him standing there in front of me. Trent. My breathing halts watching as he takes a seat next to me I blush but I know it won't show because of my loss of blood I glance at him drinking him in. Glowing tan skin ebony black hair with a glossy sheen and his eyes those eyes like emeralds twinkling in the night sky. I notice he has his guitar with him of course he has it with him all the time I've heard him play and sing before it almost reduced me to tears.

"So how are you Gwen?" he smiles I don't look at him but I shrug in response he knows that I will never talk but he still talks to me it's odd. I indicate to him slightly

"Oh me I've been fine thank you" he replies like I asked him a question he understands me more than I understand myself when your crush knows more about you than yourself knows you got a big problem.

"Gwen" he leans forward now sitting right in front of me I blush madly he places his hand on my cheek I sigh and lean into it shivering at his touch I want it to be like this all the time he makes me feel something, something that I don't know what it means yet.

"Gwen speak for me" my eyes widen to the size of dinner plates he wants me to speak for him he wants to hear my voice Trent stares at me intently my throat seems to close up and I can't breathe anymore. I feel my world plunge into an endless darkness I can't I won't speak for you Trent I'm sorry I just can't it hurts me so much so, so much I'm, I'm so sorry. My mouth began to form the words I desperately needed to say I need to try, try and tell him how I feel I felt the air rush down my throat then come back up the words on my tounge then. Suddenly the bell travels across the grounds Trent gets up quickly ruining the moment he looks slightly pissed

"You know Gwen you can't stay silent forever because someday your life or someone else's will depend on it" then he left I stumbled after him 'I love you Trent' I mouth no words leaving my lips. I watch his figure disappear I feel my heart shatter into a million pieces I drop to the ground seeing my tears hit the earth in pain this is my life.

_When I speak do you think it will hurt? Do think it will sting? Will it be worse than the anguish the cool metal gives me or be like another worldly game? Do you think it will sound like a rusty old pipe that has been banged and abused? Will it work anymore should it I mean after all it hasn't been used in over nine years. What did Trent mean when he said that it could be someone else's life I don't get it I don't get it but when, if I do speak I want him to be the one to hear it the one to hold me tight when I do say those words I want him to…._

A ruler slammed down on my desk scaring the shit out of me I gaze up to meet Mr MacLean's stony eyes I gulp he glares at me harshly I know all the teacher here hate me well most of them. I mean who really likes a silent student a girl that never talks only writes I know that they all hate this diary that I write in because it is a distraction.

"Gwendolyn Grimsley are you paying attention" Sir glowers I remained silent

"I didn't think so" he smirks knowing that I will never reply I hear muffed laughter among the class.

"Gwendolyn its rude not to answer your teacher" he smirks even wider more laughter he knows I hate it when I'm called by my proper name he's taking pleasure in my pain they all do.

"Give me the book Gwendolyn" he grins I cluck it tightly "Now!" he demands snatching my diary quickly but not quick enough I reach out and bite his arm hard making him drop it immediately everything hushes. I watch as blood begins to trickle out of the marks MacLean's face twists in fury

"Principals office now!" he bellows deafeningly I cringe grabbing my stuff and rushing out of the room making my way to the Principals office. I knock on the door a muted 'come in' is heard from with in I push the door open greeted warmly by the Principal. Mr Ryan gestures for me to take a seat smiling sunnily he's one of the only teachers who are nice to me.

"So Gwen what happened this time" he pushes a piece of paper and a pen at me he's also understands I hate my proper name and won't speak this isn't the first times I've been here. I jot down events then hand it back to Sir he reads it then laughs

"You bit him" He chuckles I nod shyly he smiles standing up leading me back to the classroom I walk past Mr MacLean who is enraged after a quick talking to I'm off the hook Sir glares at me for the rest of the lesson.

I slowly munch on my apple I'm so tried and my jaw hurts maybe because I happened to bite one of my teachers maybe that's why sigh why can't I be a normal girl because normal these days normal counts as sluts and snobs and your not like that. Sigh society is fucked these days I close my eyes listening to sounds the wind, crying, birds... hold on crying? I bring my fingers up to my eyes no it's not me then who could it be? I listen closer it coming from the other side of the tree. I silently crawl around to the other side until I see a flash of purple I cautiously reach out and tap on her on the shoulder she screams and jumps. She was sprawled on the ground patting tears streaming down her cheeks she sat up slowly I grimly smiled at her trying to show I was friendly which was proving to be hard for me.

"Oh I'm so sorry you just scared the crap out of me" she puffed clucking her hands to her heart I blinked at her she waited of me to reply which I didn't suddenly it seemed to click for her.

"Oh your that girl the one who doesn't talk umm what's your name again umm Gwen that it or do you like Gwendolyn" I shook my head furiously

"Ok Gwen it is" she smiled then it disappeared and she randomly burst into tears. I sit there in shock totally oblivious to what I did she looks up at me

"Oh I'm so sorry that you have to see me like this my name is Sierra" she sobbed that was when I realised who she was. Sierra the obsessive stalker girl she was completely and utter obsessed with Cody Anderson I think he has a crush on me. I touched her shoulder she looked at me I mouthed "is this about Cody?" She nodded stiffly "what happened" I mouthed again

"Well I might as well tell you. You see just before lunch I as you know was stalking Cody as usual then suddenly I rounded the corner and there was Cody and Heather sucking face then he saw me and called out Sierra but I just ran away and I didn't get tell him I didn't get to tell him that I love him" she blubbered breaking down. I felt a pang in my heart she was like me but how could Cody not like her she is beautiful Sierra has burgundy hair but it's more a purplish burgundy, her skin was a deep tan colour that glowed vibrantly, charcoal grey eyes and she wore not to sluttish but not to bulky clothes. She was very beautiful but how could I tell her I could speak to her but…. I quickly dived into my bag pulling out a drawing I had done ages ago then I crawled back giving it to her. She studied it in curiosity her face slowly lit up then she beamed at me launching herself at me she hugged me tightly.

"Thank you thank you so much I will never forget this Gwen I'm gonna go tell him now" she squealed jumping up and running towards the school I smiled slightly that was when it hit me. Why did I help her? She hasn't every helped me before so why did I help her why? _Because it was the right thing to do Gwen mum would have been proud of you_ that little voice in the back of my head whispered smiling I stood up. _Thanks Blake _I thought letting a small tears escape me eye.

The end of the day my favourite part of the school day I really hated this place it makes me feel weak and vulnerable I walked down the hall which was bustling with students almost there almost the- SMACK! I came into contact with the ground hard it stung an eruption of laughter soon followed. I looked up to meet a pair of cold grey eyes Heather she stood over me smirking I hated this bitch so much

"Oh sorry didn't see you there freak" she chuckled then stomped on my leg which wasn't covered in leather. Normal people would have screamed at a metal stiletto heel digging into their skin but not me I didn't feel anything. I looked around most people laughing, those small few with pity in their eyes and even fewer trying to do something about it I recognised few people who wanted to help but their boyfriend or friends held them back Sierra was almost crying. Then I saw Trent standing there not even caring I felt as if Heather had stuck her heel through my heart instead I felt tears begin to swim in my eyes.

"Next time don't mess with my plans bitch" she scowled then took her heel out of my leg a felt blood begin to pour out but I couldn't care less the liquid began to pool under me. I stood up quickly and ran for it making blood splat everywhere but I couldn't care less.

I burst through my front door running into the kitchen the bleeding had stopped but I barely noticed. Grabbing the sharpest knife in the house I tore open my bandages and sliced it along my skin I sighed in relief feeling the liquid leave my wrist but that's when the blood loss hit me. I collapsed in the nearest chair that sinful sensation ran over taking my body the fatigue hit me hard sending me into a painless abyss. I promised myself and them that last night would be the last time but I lied I lied to everyone after all I am suicidal. This is my life.


	3. Chapter 2: Friends

"Gwen why did you do it? You promised you wouldn't do it again" Blake said narrowing his eyes I could tell he was pissed at me

"I didn't mean to do it I swear it's just ..." I trailed off

"It's just what Gwendolyn" he hissed

"Don't call me that Blake you know how much I hate it when you call me that" I growled

"Whatever so tell me why did you do it after you swore you wouldn't do it again" Blake asked.

"Ok you see yesterday I was you know just being me anyways first Trent wanted me to talk to him but I couldn't I wanted to but the bell rang so he got pissed and left"

"But you're talking right now"

"That's beside the point then Mr Maclean tried to take my diary again but I bit him then at lunch Sierra a girl in my grade was upset so I helped her don't know how I did it but I did then after school Heather the school bitch pushed me over and told me never to mess with her plans again. So she suck her freaking heel into my leg which mind you hurt like hell" I said while pulling up my baggy nightshirt revealing a puncture wound with an inflamed bruise around it well that wasn't there before Blake made a face like the revenge face but I continued.

"So anyways there was a lot of blood then I saw Trent and he did nothing there was no pity or sympathy in his eyes none at all so I ran home blood trailing behind me and cut myself so that's the whole story you happy now?" I finished Blake just sat there taking it all in then he pull this kinda face it kinda looked like the jealousy face.

"Gwen who is this Trent guy?" Blake questioned I felt my pulse speed up drastically I sensed a blush running up my neck and into my cheeks I turned away from him not wanting him to see but being who he was he knew straight away.

"Gwendolyn Rosanna Grimsley are you in love with this Trent guy?" He used my full name I knew he knew I nodded shyly he smiled then it disappeared

"Gwen I've got to go" he told me sadly

"NO...But why!" I asked confused

"They get angry at me I shouldn't visit you it's not right for me to I'm sorry but I've got to go" his eyes kinda teared.

"NO please don't leave me I'm afraid if you leave me I'll do something I'll regret please don't leave me just stay a little while longer please just hold me" I whimpered tears spilling down my cheeks stinging my flesh Blake sighed hesitantly pulling me into his strong arms he cradled me rocking me back and forth whispering loving things to me. I sigh feeling at ease for once I smile up at Blake but he wasn't paying attention then I notice he was beginning to fade he looked down at me regretfully suddenly his arms start to dissolve around me and he started to drift away.

"Blake no! Please come back please" tears leak from my eyes he just looks down at me slowly disappearing I reach for him as he does for me but he disappears and I begin to fall. The ground seems to fall out from under me I scream as I'm pulled into the black abyss creatures pull me under I shriek for help but nobody answers. I see the shadows engulf overhead

"Blake" I whisper then I'm drowning as the shadows crawl down my throat filling my lungs which are now burning I try and scream but nothing comes out I'm all alone.

I wake up screaming Blake's name I pat sucking in all the oxygen I can get into my starved lungs I feel the burning die down it's ok just a dream just a dream I burst into tears again ignoring the pain it brings me. That's right just a dream Blake's dead now they all are and I may as well be the way I'm going I pick myself up from the kitchen floor grabbing a sponge from the sink and begin to clean up all the bloodstains. It's tough to get them out because they have been here for a while I finally get the stains out of the tiles chucking the sponge in the sink. I glance at the clock and walk upstairs to have a shower as I begin to pull off my clothes I see the large bruise and puncture hole so it wasn't just in the dream I sighed and jumped into the hot spray.

After I finish up in the shower I start to bandage up my wounds I gaze at my wrist seeing how deep the cut was but it's slowly covered up by white cloth I get changed and walk out the door the sky is dark and blotted with cloud s it's gonna rain today. I look up into the sky and think _Don't worry Blake I won't do it again I promise _I felt the wind swirl around me like it was hugging me it whispered to me _"I Believe you". _

I make my way into school get a lot of stares, hushed whispers and laughter I slink outside under my tree and sit there totally pissed off and sad _**I didn't see him, Trent he probably doesn't care that you were hurt at all **_my conscious hisses _Yeah your probably right he doesn't care for me at all _A silent tear feel from my eyes. Suddenly I heard some commotion I sink back into the bark and prayed for them to go away

"Gwen there you are!" I high pitched voice squeals I opened my eyes to see Sierra standing there.

"Cody I found her!" she yells over her shoulder soon a small lanky teenager appeared beside her Cody Anderson he had short scruffy light brown hair, pallid skin but not as pale was mine and aquamarine eyes. He smiled widely at me revealing a gapped toothed grin I smiled slightly so cute Sierra took a seat in front of me then she randomly pulled up my long dress. I blushed insanely Cody sat there awkwardly trying not to look but then I realised she was looking at the bandage that was wrapped around my pathetic excuse for a leg. She gasped so did Cody I just sank back I little slightly embarrassed and ashamed

"Gwen" was all she could say she choked tears in her eyes I turned away

"How could she do this that bitch! I will murder her!" Sierra vowed I was shocked not because of the statement because she actually cared. Somewhere deep down in my broken and bruised heart I felt I tiny rose begin to bloom instead of pain it felt weird tingling and warm. I hadn't felt this in over nine years and I was a little relieved to find that I hadn't completely lost my humanity.

"Gwen its ok will get her back somehow" Sierra smiled Cody agreed tears sprang to my eyes but they weren't sad tears they were….. Happy tears. The bell shrieked across the grounds we all jumped I slowly stood up only to be embraced by a breath taking hug I was astonished someone was actually hugging me I felt tears run down my cheeks except this time they didn't hurt. I sensed myself start to hug her back she soon let go looking at my tears she wiped them away

"Let me guess happy tears" I nodded she smiled and led me away Cody following close behind. _See Gwen people do care about you and these are called friends _Blake whispered I smiled he was right maybe this was a start of a wonderful friendship.

_Dear diary_

_I think I found them I think I found myself some friends I know it sounds hard to believe but I think they are my friends. Turns out now that they are going out and Sierra is very grateful for that also turns out Cody had a major crush on Sierra anyways I only have two 'friends' but I think to is enough anyways time I better be going the teacher will kill me if I continue writing like this Love Gwen. _

I closed my diary slowly hearing the lock click into place I glanced around the locker room everybody had left that's what I had been hoping for I quickly pull off my clothes revealing my skeletal body I looked at myself in the mirror. I was disgusted everything was bony and thin my stomach was barely existent so was my A cup breasts, my hips and butt had no volume to it nether did the rest of my body. I moved closer seeing the almost invisible scars some on my stomach and arms but mostly on my thighs the white cloth was visible on my left thigh and right wrist. Sighing I began pulling on my gym uniform which I was glad it covered my leg wound but it sadly didn't cover my arm injury so I wore a black long sleeved t-shirt to cover it. I had just finished tying up my shoelaces and was walking out the gym door but I ran into someone. Trent. My breathing exhilarated and roses stained my cheeks but I looked away he doesn't care about me I tried to walk past him but he grabbed my arm.

"Gwen please stop" I tugged against his arm shaking my head I wasn't going to forgive him that easily

"Gwen please let me explain" he pleaded I stopped granting him a few moments to explain.

"I'm really sorry about yesterday it was wrong for me to try and make you speak I understand if you don't want to you don't have to also about yesterday afternoon I'm sorry I didn't do anything to help you I was it's just… can you forgive me" I looked into his emerald eyes sadness whispered through them. I hesitantly flung my arms around his waist hugging him this was the only way I could tell him that I forgave him. Felt him stiffen but then relax into the embraced and slowly but surely he did the same back I inhaled his scent it was intoxicating and somewhere deep inside the pits of my stomach I felt a fire begin to ignite. It startled me a little because I have never felt this before it was somewhat pleasurable

"Grimsley, Jones!" the coach boomed from somewhere we immediately pulled apart

"So I guess I'm forgiven" Trent smirked I nodded slightly and walked out with Trent.

My legs were almost giving out on me. We had been running for most of the period and I was freaking exhausted Sierra had been running with me before I 'told' her to go ahead I was just slowing her down anyways. It's not that I'm unfit or anything I just don't eat enough and I lose a lot of blood too so it's not the healthiest thing to do I kept on running determined to finish this even if it killed me. Next thing I knew I was face flat on the ground I looked up and saw the Queen of Mean herself standing there laughing manically Heather.

"Oh sorry freak didn't see you there" she sniggered then ran off leaving me there in the dust. Tears of anger sprang to my eyes I tried to get up but I knew I wasn't going to be able to I was just too puffed so I just lay there suddenly I was covered by a shadow. I looked up and was meet by a pair of warm dark chocolate eyes

"Are you ok Gwen?" the girls voice was so pretty and light I looked at her and realised who she was. Courtney Price the school prep. She smiled kindly at me Courtney was a really beautiful girl like a goddess or something she had silky chestnut hair that was tied back in a ponytail it hung just under her shoulders. Her skin was a creamy mocha colour that glowed vibrantly she had seven freckles planted above her nose and her body was well portioned with her large breasts and thick hips she was every boy's dream.

"Are you ok?" she repeated I nodded slightly she gave me her hand as she pulled me up off the ground I smiled at her thanking her

"You're the girl who doesn't speak right?" she questioned as we began to walked I nodded she held out her hand I took it hesitantly

"I don't bite anyway my name is Courtney" she laughed I grinned at her. Considering she was a major prep and C.I.T she was nice as she could be bossy at times but she was never bitchy and she was usually apologetic after she was done. We walked all the way to the finish line thank god it was over we went over to Sierra she waved at us

"Hi Courtney" she piped up Court returned the statement we all sat down my breathing was heavy and I felt really light headed I vaguely heard Sierra and Courtney scream as I collapsed. This is what blood loss does to you suddenly everything went black.

"Gwen, Gwen" worried voices echoed around in my head I gradually open my eyes the first thing I saw was Court and Sierra anxiety played on both of there faces I smiled a little waving at them. They both calmed down I sat up looking around I noticed I was in the nurse's office how did I get here?

"Court carried you all the here she's surprisingly strong" Sierra told me I nodded at Court who was blushing insanely

"I few karate and gymnastic courses here and there never hurt anyone" she beamed. I slowly climbed out of bed stumbling a little but they caught me supporting me arm in arm I nodded at them thanking them

"Hey that's what friends are for" They both chimed I smiled feeling something bloom further inside of my heart.

I placed my bag on the kitchen bench making my way upstairs I opened my diary and wrote a few words then shut it sinking in to my bed and for once I felt warmth I fell asleep those few words swimming in my head actually causing me to smile as I sleep.

_I have friends. _


	4. Chapter 3: A Happiness Short Lived

**Disclaimer: I do not only TDI I just use and abuse da characters. **

_It's been one week since I've cut myself, one week since I've bleed and one week since I made some friends. I know this is really hard to believe that me Gwen Grimsley has friends yeah it was impossible to believe I'm still trying to understand why I do have friends. But I'm glad so far I'm friends with Sierra she has long wavy burgundy hair with a purple shine to it, burnt sienna skin which glows, charcoal eyes kind and considerate and a well proportioned body. Courtney is a tan goddess with shimmering chestnut hair that brushes her shoulders, warm chocolate brown eyes, mocha skin with thick hips and large breasts. Cody is Sierra's boyfriend for about one week or so he is a skinny lean teen with light brown scruffy hair, pale skin and gorgeous aquamarine eyes with a slightly mischievous glint in his eyes. And last but not least Duncan ok were not really friends but we do get along really well I mean despite the fact he likes to throw paper at me in class but I usually is about Courtney ok so thing is Duncan digs Court and Court digs him but she is in complete and utter denial it's a Courtney thing so I try and help him. Duncan is well built with slightly pale skin, jet black shaggy hair which he styles into a Mohawk, piercings adorn his face usually it looks disgusting but it looks quite cute on him and then he has the most clearest teal eyes I've ever seen._

_So I have a small array of friends and well friendish people I consider myself quite lucky well except for the fact of Trent. Trent is we the only person I've been in love with and he is pretty much the only reason I'm living right now you see if he didn't exist I wouldn't either I would have killed myself long ago. But the problem is he doesn't know, know that I love him with every atom in my body I love him but he doesn't know why? Because I can't speak ok it's so much I can't I just won't I don't understand it but I just can't bring myself to speak to form those words I desperately need to say. So that's pretty much my life so far nothing special has happened in a while and I don't think it will well that's what I'm thinking anyway. _

I closed my diary hearing the lock click I smiled slightly resting the book on my knee I leaned my head against the moist bark the rain had been pelting down all day I was resting under the old willow tree out of the rain though it did hit me on the odd wind direction I closed my eyes which didn't sting any more I haven't cried in a while too and it feels much better without the constant stinging.

"Gwen, Gwen where are you?" a voice shouted I blinked who was that? I looked around the tree to see Courtney running through the rain by the time she got to me she was soaked and panting like she had run a freakin marathon she smiled through her deep breaths

"There you are I've been looking for you everywhere me, Sierra, Cody and Duncan are going to the movies tonight I was wondering if you wanted to come?" she smiled warmly I was taken back she wanted me to go somewhere with them I literally jumped at the chance I nodded eagerly she beamed

"Great ok will she you there" she chirped before running of into the rain cursing loudly I giggled slightly. Wow this was awesome some humans actually want to hang out with me I was so….so…. um _Happy _ that small voice replied I was happy that was something I haven't felt in…..well lets just say a long time I gazed up into the gloomy sky smiling to myself happy I was happy.

* * *

Ok this was a major problem I had no idea what to wear I know I know it's ridiculous I mean obsessing over what to wear like a drama queen was quite pathetic but there was a reason for my sudden outburst of concern to sum it all up in one word. Trent. Ok so it turns out that Duncan invited him so now I'm really screwed I mean the only colour I wear is black and well let's just say it quite a depressing colour sigh I stood there staring blankly into my closet this sucked I wonder if a have anything colourful in the house…. That's when it hit me I did but it was in that room I shuddered this couldn't be happening but it was I slowly made my way down the hallway and stopped in front of the ancient door. I swallowed hard ok if I can do this quick enough it won't be that bad right? I placed my hand on the doorknob and turned it didn't budge maybe it's too rusted up I tried again it flung open and I bolted inside. I frantically looked around looking for that one thing then I saw it I rushed for it ripping it off the stand a spider jumped out at me

"AHHHHHHHHHH" I shrieked running out of the room slamming the door so hard that plaster fell from the roof I slid down hitting the ground. I crumpled against the door those disturbing images rushed through my mind blood, death and then the death defining bang that changed my life forever. I felt tears sting in my eyes but I blinked them away there was no time for this I stood up pacing to my room then I looked down at this piece of clothing _and I did this all to get you. _

* * *

Where the hell were they? I glanced around again still no sign of them sigh maybe they just set me up I felt my body jerk in realisation probably what they did I sniffled standing up I started walking away regret and dejection swarmed my head then I bumped into someone I cringed waiting for the person to yell at me but they didn't I looked up only to meet a devious smirk. Duncan a smiled immediately planted on my lips he grinned back at me putting his arm around my shoulder he turned to face the others my mood perked up

"See Princess I told you beautiful women can't keep their hands off me" he chuckled Courtney blushed looking slightly jealous too then I realised that it was Duncan's arm around me that was ticking her off I smiled weakly at her she smiled back Cody and Sierra were to caught up in each other to notice what was going on then I saw him Trent. My heart kick-started into overload I began to smiled at him but then I saw the cold look on his face what did I do something wrong? Yes he was glaring at Duncan's arm around me still I stepped out of his embrace he looked puzzled for a moment but then realised a smirk played on his lips. I blushed turning away

"Come on guys movie is starting soon" Courtney sighed clearly impatience Duncan leaned back whispering in my ear

"Go on go talk to him" he indicated to Trent I flushed even more if that was possible then he ran up to Courtney placing his arm around her shoulder she held her fist up as a threat he laughed but didn't back off I giggled silently they were so cute.

"Hey" a voice said behind me I turned to face Trent I smiled waving slightly he grinned but it was half heartedly I felt hurt and jealously radiating off his body I felt horrible I wish I could say something but I couldn't so I reached for his hand but he stalked off before I could grasp it, it was like he had stabbed me in my heart I clucked it as the pain pulsated through it a silent tear rolled down my alabaster cheek well that was a happiness short lived I thought running after them.

After we payed for the tickets we walked into the cinema I glanced around were was I going to sit I saw Trent sit a seat in front of the rest I suppose I could sit next to him I walked down

"Hey Pasty come sit with us" Duncan called I glanced at Trent he didn't even flinched anger boiled inside of me I squeezed through the seats taking a seat next to Courtney she smiled warmly I saw her cheeks were flushed probably cause of Duncan I smirked leaning back into the chair it was very comfortable.

"Hey Pasty that colour looks good on you" Duncan commented I blushed slightly taking in my appearance I was wearing a low-cut dress with puffy sleeves and the skirt area was also puffed it was a dark teal colour that complemented well with my skin I smiled thanking him silently I glanced at Courtney who looked deeply cut he probably never complemented her clothes I felt horrible then I looked at Trent and my heart ripped in two. He was glaring at Duncan but then he looked at me the glare was so intense that I felt like I was exposed to him entirely like he could see every thing then he turned around I choked from the pain it hurt so much Court looked at him concerned

"Are you ok Gwen" she whispered I shook my head tears stinging in my eyes she stood up leading me out of the cinema's and into the bathroom as soon as I got there I broke down.

"Shhh its ok it's gonna be ok I promise" she cooed how could she be like this after what just happened? I sobbed harder it's because she's a true friend they wouldn't love me if they knew my secret no they wouldn't ever love me if they knew

"Now what's the matter?" she soothed she reached into her bag grabbing out a notepad and pen handing it to me I wrote one word that explained it all she nodded

"I understand more than you think I mean Duncan's just so hot and cold with me one moment he's showering me with complements and then the next he's hurting and laughing, teasing me it hurts more than you can imagine" she whispered I smiled writing something down and handing it to her she smiled hugging me then I wrote something else but ripped it out she look puzzled but let it go. We made our way out of the bathroom and back just in time for the start I handed the piece of paper to Duncan he looked stunned but read it then smirked nodding as I turned back to the screen images soon started flashing I just sat there and watched I didn't notice for a long time until something was throw at the back of me head I turned around only to face the queen of mean herself Heather. I glowered at her she laughed then I turned back to the movie out of the corner of my eye I saw Duncan put his arm around Courtney she blushed insanely but surprising Duncan she snuggled into his arms I smiled I saw Cody and Sierra heads close together cute then it hit me I was the only one here with out someone well besides Trent hold on where was Trent? He was gone looking around I couldn't see him anywhere I started to panic I jumped up from my seat and ran for the door the guys looked puzzled and slightly concerned I opened the door and froze. There stood Trent and Heather and they were they were…

Kissing.

My heart shattered I clucked it trying to keep the shards from breaking but it didn't help the pieces just stuck inside me that image burned inside of my head the doors opened again Sierra, Cody, Duncan and Courtney gasped at the current scene they slowly pulled away from each other Heather with the most evilest look in the world on her face she grinned slyly Trent just stood there not looking at us she flipped her glossy black hair and stalked out the door I just stood there I couldn't move. Trent just stared at me regret swimming in his emerald eyes but I couldn't care my heart didn't exist anymore I walked up to him the emptiness on my face must have scared him but I couldn't care less

"Gwen i-" I pushed past him running out the door and into the cold night there was now no point in me living anymore.

* * *

**Trent**'**s POV **

The look on her face scared me there was no life in her eyes

"Gwen I-" but she cut me off pushing past me she ran out the door

"Gwen!" I called but she kept on running I turned around only to be slapped in the face it was that hard that I fell to the ground when I looked up Courtney stood there towering over me and looking mighty pissed she glared at me harshly they all did I felt so ashamed of myself I had kissed Heather because I was jealous of Gwen and Duncan how good there friendship was but now I knew I had made a big mistake.

"You fucking idiot are you serious I mean kissing that freaking whore what the fuck were you thinking?" Courtney shrieked going in for another attack but Duncan restrained her I was shocked she had actually swore at me Courtney never swears

"Courtney calm down" Duncan whispered she screamed kicking Duncan began to drag her away

"You idiot you fucking dick she loved you Gwen loves you!" she yelled back at me my heart stopped beating she loved me? Gwen was in love with me I stood up bolting out the door I had to find her find her before she did something stupid like I did.

* * *

**Gwen's POV **

Tears stung in my eyes I hate him I hate him I screamed in my head over and over again I burst through the front door I made my way into the kitchen I couldn't do this anymore not if he didn't love me I couldn't go on without him this was the end I was over this thing they called a life I grabbed the draw yanking it out the contents spilled over the floor I searched and found it. I held the knife up against the moonlight it glinted a red ribbon tied around the handle and a black rose in the middle the suicidal knife sharpest knife I have in this whole house one slice would probably cut so deep that I would be dead in less that five minutes I smiled through tears I raised the blade

"Raise the blade, feel the shame, because you don't know what your cutting away" I whispered silently bringing it down on my vein blood splattered everywhere my dress covered in spots and splatters of blood I love this dress I wore this dress to their funeral and now I was wearing it to mine I sighed in content I missed this felling missed it so much but then came the pain. I screamed in agony it was the worse pain I had felt in my entire life worse that their death, worse than Heather's heel and worse that this heartbreak I looked at me skin in wonder cringing in agony I was tainted now. Skin pure white, white as snow blood evil crimson, crimson my sin my vision blurred I couldn't see straight I fell to the ground my body began to contract in pain I closed my eyes then I heard a bang my eyes opened to see Trent he stood there in utter shock I imagine what it would look like me lying on the floor surrounded in blood I blinked slowly vision hazy again.

"Gwen….GWEN! Oh my god what have you done?" Trent panicked I smiled up at him as he crouched by my side trying desperately to stop the bleeding I smiled couldn't think properly anymore the pain was unbearable I screamed again horror clear on his face with my little strength left I grabbed him and pulled him down to my height I had to do this before I left. I kissed him planting my blood stained lips on his this was my first and last kiss I dropped to the ground again I couldn't feel anything anymore I closed my eyes and began to drift away but I still heard his voice.

"Gwen please don't die don't leave me Gwen…." Then everything went black.

* * *

**Oh my god Gwen's dead! Or is she? Is this the end? I don't know maybe it is? Who knows? **


	5. Chapter 4: Losing Grip On Life

**Disclaimer: I do not own TDI I just use and abuse da characters. **

You know how they say when you die you go into the light….well their wrong because I haven't seen any light yet and I've been here for a while in the blackness the empty, dark, freezing and miserable blackness. There is no sound it's dead silent maybe I'm in hell but I did nothing in my life wrong did I? I didn't know where I was and I have this feeling that I don't want to know I looked around nothing still nothing I continued to walk not know where I was going but I figure if I keep walking I might go into the light. After a while I stopped this was getting me nowhere I looked around this sucked I thought death was meant to be peaceful and understandable but no it was a constant worry and completely confusing I frowned and huffed impatiently this was fucked I looked down at what I imagined to be my feet

"Gwen" I voice whispered I froze immediately I glanced around not that it did much help

"Whose there?" I called out my voice crackled in pain and fear. Then I saw it the light I blinked it seemed to be walking towards me I cocked my head ok this wasn't weird or anything I squinted as it got closer there seemed to be a person, male I think surrounded in an angelic glow as it closer I realised who it was my heart leap with joy as a ran towards him I impacted with his hard body squeezing the death out of him well more than he was already dead I looked up at him and my face fell. His charcoal black eyes narrowed into slits his mouth set in a thin line he glared at me stonily wasn't he happy to see me?  
"No Gwen I'm not happy to see you" he hissed my name I cringed letting him go

"Why not?" I questioned slightly hurt by his pervious comment

"You know why look around you where are we?"

"Um well I don't know maybe hell… hey you didn't tell me you went to hell" I accused him

"Where not in hell or heaven for that matter" he sighed clearly annoyed

"Then where are we?" I shivered not that I was showing it I was scared to no end.

"Life after death" he whispered ok now I was confused

"What?"

"It's a place where souls go when they aren't dead but aren't exactly alive either" He explained

"So your saying I'm not dead" I was now angry how couldn't I be dead I mean serious I just freakin committed suicide

"Yes Gwen you are so lucky that you aren't dead that boy must really care about you" He smirked

"Trent he's the reason I'm here and now he wants me alive" I was so pissed right now but he brought me out of my state

"Gwen it's time for you to go now" he smiled grimly as he started to drift away.

"What no! Blake you can't do this to me I don't want to go back I want to stay with you!" I shrieked as I began to fall

"Goodbye Gwen" Blake whispered tears in his eyes as he pushed me down into the abysmal hole I screamed as my life flashed before my eyes

"" I screamed

"Don't come back anytime soon" he called after me

"NNNNNOOOO! I don't want to go back! BLAKE!" but I knew my screaming was useless he had left me suddenly I was faced with myself. I was looking down on myself this seemed to be a kinda out of body experience I was lying in a bed my skin deathly pale and breath coming in short and shallow pants somebody grabbed my hand well the alive me's hand Trent

"Gwen please don't leave me please don't die" he whispered tears welling in his eyes one fell and hit my skin I was suddenly sucked back into my body.

I bolted up right panting sucking in all the oxygen I could get into my starving lungs tears stung in my eyes I fell back down immediately having a lack of strength I opened my eyes again gasping still where was I? Then I saw his face. Trent. I growled turning my head the other way I didn't want to see him I looked around the room it was all white everywhere whiteness my heart began to stir beating faster I heard a monitor counting my heartbeat I felt that thing in my arm feeding me blood unwanted crimson essence I glared at it jabbed into my skin with my little strength I raised my hand gripping the blood filled tube but someone's hands ripped mine away from the cord. I struggled against him no I didn't want this blood I didn't want to be here I wanted to be up there with Blake he didn't understand no one did

"Gwen stop" Trent commanded I glared at him I didn't want to hear his excuses his lies I had heard enough already I struggled harder no, no, No, NO!

"Gwen!" he grabbed my face making me stop completely he began to careless them with that little blood left I blushed no I couldn't fall for him not after what he did to me

"Gwen please I'm sorry I know what I did was wrong fuck it was irrational and impulsive but I want you to know that I am sorry and you are the only girl in my life" those heartfelt words crushed the last of my resistance to dust drawing on the last of my energy I crushed my lips against his it was quick and swift but the most passionate and intense thing I had felt in a my life seconds later I dropped closing my eyes I felt back into my slumber.

* * *

**Trent**'**s POV **

Gwen's head dropped onto the pillow within seconds she feel asleep her breathing was still light and choppy but she was starting to look healthier I smiled weakly brushing my hand over her lightly rosy cheek then I buried my face in my hands. This was all my fault the reason why she had almost died was because of me everything was my fault I remember it clearly….

_I ran after her but I couldn't see where she had gone it was dark the shadows swirled in the wind I rushed on trying to remember where she lived I mean I use to follow her home sometimes, a couple times before but none of this mattered now I had to find her to stop her from doing something stupid. Suddenly I got this feeling like a pain shooting up my spine I started to run I had a bad feeling about this I came to Gwen's house it was in a secluded area away from everyone else then I heard a bloodcurdling scream that made me freeze. Gwen. I bolted into through the front door flinging it open I was horrified and stunned beyond belief. Gwen lay on the floor surrounded in a pool of her own crimson essence she looked up at me blinking her eyes hazily she gazed at me dreamily her pale skin was blotted with dots as was her dress then it hit me she was dying._

"_Gwen…GWEN! Oh my god what have you done" the realization of this whole situation was weighing down on me. Then Gwen did something unexpected she smiled up at me was she fuckin __mad? I crouched beside her desperately trying to stop the bleeding she smiled again why was she smiling at me? Then it hit me she wanted to die! Gwen screamed as another contraction of pain coursed through her then she looked up at me while I still tried to stop the bleeding. No, No! she can't die I won't let her please stop bleeding please I hissed to myself she blinked then pulled me down and crushed her bloody lips against mine. I froze Gwen slowly dropped to the floor closing her dull lit eyes her breathing slowed I shook her limp body_

"_Gwen please don't die don't leave me Gwen…" I choked back tears. She can't die she couldn't I won't let her I carefully lifted her lifeless body I had to get her to a hospital… no somewhere else where I had all the stuff that I needed…._

I sighed pulling my head out of me hands I gazed at her intently I could still see the blood splattered over he body, her dim lit eyes, that smile, her scream, her lips and the weight of me now knowing that she was suicidal. This should be a shock to me but it wasn't I didn't feel any remorse or puzzlement it kinda fitted together I remember that day in P.E when she fainted after running now not many people faint after running a couple laps Gwen wasn't unfit she was a bit under weight but that day when she fainted I saw her I saw her looking in the mirror at herself. Standing there in only panties and a bra had turned me on until I noticed a white cloth constricting her wrist I saw how thin she was and the scars that adorned her porcelain body I didn't think much of it back then but now I know that she wanted to die and obviously I wasn't helping the situation. I continued to stroke her pasty cheek she stirred I glanced up at the bag of blood it was almost empty I got up stalking away into the room next door opening the fridge I pulled out I bag of AB- she had a considerable rare blood type then again that was anther thing we shared the same blood type. I walked back into the room changed the blood bag and slumped in my chair

"My fault all my fault" I repeated to myself I exhaled slowly closing my eyes slowly then it went black. In my dreams I saw Gwen I saw her dying again it was worse than the first time as I began to surface I felt something gently racking through my course hair I blinked slowly my eyes meet a pair of ebony black eyes she smiled down at me then I realized I was practically lying on top of her somehow I had gotten from the chair next to her bed into the bed. My head rested on her lap I went to get up but she pushed me down I blushed fiercely

"Hey" I whispered Gwen smiled back she looked much better her skin had a rosy glow now he long midnight hair was mattered I slowly got up reaching into a draw next to the bed I pulled out a brush. I positioned us so that she sat in front of me I slowly began to pulled the brush through her hair she sighed in content I plaited it after I was finished brushing I swallowed loudly I was gonna have to tell her soon.

"Gwen I know your suicidal" I whispered in a hushed tone she froze.

**Gwen's POV**

"Gwen I know your suicidal" Trent whispered I froze immediately he knew he knew he wouldn't love me anymore he hated me he hated me I blinked back tears

"Gwen, Gwen what's the matter?" he questioned his voice laced with probably false concern I faced him tears in my eyes

"You hate me" I mouthed he looked puzzled for a moment then he put it together he shook his head laughing slightly I frowned I knew it he hates me I hung my head in shame what was I think how could anyone love a suicidal person.

"Gwen" Trent smiled brushing the hair that covered my eye behind my ear I blushed

"Gwen you silly girl I don't hate you how could I no matter what you do no matter who you are I don't care because I'm in love with you and when your in love nothing else matters" those were true, sincere and heartfelt words I smiled weakly hugging him tightly he embraced me back. I felt his tears in my hair he felt mine on his shirt he pulled away from me

"Gwen I when I saw you I thought I was going to lose you I thought I would never get to tell you how I felt please don't ever do that to me ever again because if I lost you I don't know what I would do" Trent confessed I kissed his tears away

"I won't leave you" I said silently then he crushed his lips against mine it was sweet and passionate we pulled apart seconds later I pulled him down onto the bed snuggling against his chest I closed my eyes drifting asleep and for once in my life I felt as if I was safe and secure and I was wasn't going to lose grip on life's games because when your in love nothing else matters.


	6. Chapter 5: Silent Unheard Child

**Disclaimer: I do not own TDI I just use and abuse the characters. **

**A/N: MUST READER SUPER IMPORTANT! Ok just to clear some things up Gwen did **_**NOT **_**speak in the last chapter. When I say silently spoke or mouthed she isn't actually speaking just to clear that up also Gwen and Trent are now together ****J**

* * *

I blinked hazily taking in my current surroundings white, whiteness where ever I looked my heart began to pound I hated white then I noticed something warm underneath me something that wasn't white but had a healthy tan glow Trent. I sighed in relief snuggling closer into his warm chest I absentmindly stroked it racking my nails delicately across his toned torso a deep noise rumbled through his chest I was startled a little by the sudden noise then I smiled weakly leaning up and kissing his lips. He stirred immediately I could feel his eyes shoot open with the sudden intimate contact I smirked as my lips molded around his seconds later after recovering from the shock Trent's arms wrapped around my body pulling me deeper into the already over friendly embrace. Even in my still weaken state I managed to blush as his fingers gracefully swept down the length of my back so his hand rest just above the lowest part of my back I felt suddenly uncomfortable when Trent's over eager fingers brushed the back of my bra and the upper area of my thigh. I pushed him away abruptly so he fell back on the bed as I embarrassingly brought my knees into my chest for some reason I began to choke back on sobs. Trent realizing what he had done pulled me into his chest stroking my hair

"Sorry I forgot you not use to this kinda stuff" he murmured clearly ashamed of himself these were the points in time were I wish I could, would speak sighing I slowly grabbed his hand then placed it over where I imagine my heart to be Trent blushed and tried to pull away but I held him firmly then experimentally I placed my hand over his I felt my heart pounding under our joined hands. He looked at me blankly then the pieces gradually fit together he smiled sweetly taking my hand and placing it over his heart I was surprised it was beating just like mine like we were in perfect sync. Leaning forward we joined our foreheads together breathing slowly and listening to each other hearts and we stayed like that for a long time.

* * *

**NEXT DAY**

"Gwen. Gwen get up" I was shaken from my deep sleep gazing angrily at my awakening only to find I was staring in to the most beautiful emerald eyes my features softened. Yesterday we had spent the whole day together in silence it had been the best day I've had in a long time slowly I pulled myself from my bed Trent had taken me back to my place yesterday I let him stay the night though. Shaking slightly I walked over to my cupboard pulling out a black long sleeved turtle neck dress, fishnets and chunky leather boots I hastily chucked the items of clothing on my body and bounded my way downstairs.

"Morning" Trent beamed as I entered the kitchen suddenly I felt really shy and cryptic like we were back to square one when he hadn't even known that I had a thing for him when I was mysterious and just hid all the time I felt like for some odd reason I had to go back into that stage. I nodded quickly hiding behind the fridge door searching intently for the juice I still couldn't believe Trent actually loved me and he knew everything well everything that I wanted him to know there was one thing I would probably never tell him that one thing that changed my life forever. I jumped when I felt something touch my shoulder I turned to meet a pair of worried emerald eyes

"Gwen are you ok?" he said puzzled I nodded swiftly avoiding his gaze for some reason I felt I couldn't trust him.

"If it's about me knowing your secret and all don't worry I won't tell anyone I promise" he whispered softly I smiled a little suddenly a weight on my back disappeared.

"Thanks" I mouthed brushing past him and pouring myself a glass of juice I leisurely sipped glancing at Trent I saw a troubled look on his face

"Hey um Gwen do you think you could lift up your dress for a sec" He asked nervously I almost spat out the liquid in my mouth he what! I wanted with every atom in my body to say no but I couldn't slowly, hesitantly I reached for the hem pulling it up at a teasingly slow pace I trust him and that's why I'm doing this because I know he wouldn't do anything to hurt me. I suddenly found myself blushing with my dress resting just below my breasts Trent inspected me quickly scanning over my pathetic excuse for a body

"Ok I'm done" he murmured I dropped it instantly sitting down I felt extremely embarrassed and there was this irritating hot feeling pooling in my lower abdomen.

"Gwen I'm worried about you your too skinny it's not healthy for a girl your age" he stated I stared back at him wide eyed he actually cared he cared tears blotted my vision but Trent mistook my happy tears for those of hurt.

"Shit um I didn't mean to hurt you feels it's just I'm-" I cut him off placing a finger to hid lips

"You didn't hurt me" I silently said

"Your happy because I…I care for you" he said I nodded and he beamed down at me pulling my body against his

"I'm glad that you're happy because it makes me feel happy to" Trent whispered kissing my nose.

* * *

"Hold on so you guys made up?" Duncan questioned I nodded shyly

"And now your going out?" another confirmation was made at that a smirked crept across the punks face I suddenly feared our love's safety.

"Nice you finally got enough guts to get with him now all you have to do is get enough guts to fuck him" Duncan grinned I gasped blushing then slapped him on his arm like hard well what I considered to be hard but he just shrugged it off laughing hysterically huffing angrily I turned away from him that made him re think his actions.

"Awwww come on Pasty I was just playin with ya" he said with a hint of humor in his voice I poked my tounge out at him meanly he sighed slouching against my back

"Well your lucky Pasty you got someone I got no one to love me not even my own parents do everybody thinks I'm useless" he mumbled sadly a small pang echoed off my heart me and Duncan were so alike in many more ways than he could ever imagine. Hesitantly I turned around hugging his rigged body Duncan stiffened under the contact but slowly relaxes into it seconds later I pulled away placing my hand on his cheek and stare into his unnaturally teal eyes

"I don't think you're useless and nether does Courtney" I say silently he chuckles without any humor

"No she doesn't she hates me thinks I'm a worthless wannabe punk truth is I really love her well I think it's love I mean every time I see her something swells in my chest and my body just feels warm I don't understand it the feeling she gives me but I accept it cause it's one of the only things I can feel" he confesses the rough exterior disappears and the scared lonely child shines through. Your wrong that is what I want to say but the words get caught in my throat because I remember the promise I made to myself…..

FLASHBACK

"Gwen why don't you speak come on just one word" Trent whispered as he sat on the end of my bed I shook my head he didn't understand I couldn't I didn't know how to I mean how could I, I haven't since I was seven and personally I don't intend to start any time soon.

"I can't" I mouth

"Why?" he says this time the hurt is clear in his voice I try to think of something anything to say but I can't he's right why? There has to be a reason doesn't there?

"Well your gonna have to speak someday and when you do I promise you I'll be the first to hear it" Trent said sternly before kissing my head then leaving my room that was when I promised to myself if I ever decide to speak again the first person to hear it will be him.

END OF FLASHBACK

My mouth hung open Duncan looked at me expectantly he waited for the words to come out but they never did the look on his face fell he stood up then patted my crown of black hair

"Don't waste your breath on me Pasty I ain't worth it" he smiled but it didn't reach his eyes and with that he stalked away the echo got louder in my heart chokes soon turned to sobs smashing my fists against the cold hard ground why, why, WHY! Stupid unheard voice.

I ran as hard as I could I have to find her where the fuck was she? _Library check the library _yeah thanks Blake I thought to him I skidded to a halt there in the far corner of the library sat Courtney studying of course. I quickly made my way over there slamming my hands palm down on the table to get her attention she jumped I freakin mile in the air

"What the hell! Oh Gwen what the hell do you think your doing?" she exclaimed clutching her heart through her blouse. I glared at her intently she blinked back snatching a piece of paper I scrawled a message over it and thrust it into her face. Snatching it out of her face she read it in record speed she stared at me blankly a blush filling up her mocha cheeks

"Are you insane no way!" Courtney gawked I shook my head glaring again accusingly this time she held her face together but cracked under the weight of my stare.

"Fine I'll tell him but why do I have to?" she quizzed grabbing the paper back I wrote something else she read it and her face dropped immediately

"You mean he doesn't think I li….like him?" I confirmed it she looked terrible then she stood up abruptly scaring the shit outta me.

"I'm gonna do it!" Courtney declared not even bothering to grab her stuff she stormed out of the library in search for the man she loved I followed until I spotted Duncan then I hid around the corner I peaked out for a better look. Duncan looked scared as Courtney stalked up to him I watched him cringe waiting to be abused but the only abuse he got was Courtney's lips she grabbed his face planting a deep kiss on his surprised lips he looked shocked well that made two of us I didn't expect her to kiss him. Seconds later Courtney pulled away smiling at him he smirked back making a smart ass comment which earned him a slap to the arm and a famous death glare but seconds later they were looking at each other with lovey dovey eyes I decided to leave give em some privacy god I felt like I was becoming cupid for everyone except for myself. Sighing I trudged along making my way to the willow tree sitting under it's branches I lay down letting my eyes shut for a second or so the sun crawled behind the clouds and an icy wind began to whisper through my hollow body…..

"_Gwen why won't you talk?" a voice asked me Trent I looked up at him regretfully _

"_I'm sorry" I mouthed but he just shook his head no I wanted to cry as he walked away but I could stupid unheard voice silent, silent nothing _

"_Trent!" I cried but nothing no noise silent nothing I tired again_

"_Trent please don't go!" nothing silent unheard nothing then everything went black._

I woke with a jolt I found myself looking into those concerned, sensitive green eyes

"Gwen are you ok?" Trent asked I shook my head my body began to tremble tears bubbled over my eyelids he pulled me against his body soothing me repeatedly

"Shhh, shhh its ok I'm here now don't worry" Trent cooed tenderly I sobbed even harder I didn't deserve a boyfriend like this I didn't deserve anything I was nothing a stupid unheard silent nothing. Minutes past the tears turned into heartfelt chokes I wondered how long we'd been out here we'd probably be in class already but I couldn't care cause no one cared for me.

"Gwen its ok I'm not gonna leave you, you know that" Trent whispered brushing the tears away then pulling my body in for a hug I was soon enveloped in his warmth.

"I'm sorry I love you" a voice whispered delicately it was so soft I thought it would break in the wind Trent stiffened immediately pushing me away from him his green eyes wide then I put two and two together oh my god if he hadn't said that then…

**Oh My God! Cliff hanger mwhahah you must wait for the next shocking and exciting installment of suicidal education! **


End file.
